I'm back in SCHOOL!!!!
And I've gotta be completely honest. I wasn't exactly excited for this school year to start. :( I'm not very good at this thing people like to refer to as euh. . . getting good grades. But it's something I've been trying to conquer! :) So I was pretty nervous for the first day of classes, because in my head school was just another reason I should get down on myself for not doing as good as everybody else.
As I said, I've been trying to conquer this (this "Dragon" as Sister Samuelson would say) because I know that feeling inadequate isn't going to help me with anything. So, I had all summer to build up my self esteem from the last school year and school was about to start. Naturally, I prayed a lot- that's what I do when I'm scared out of my wits.
Well school came and I went to classes. So far I haven't died.
And can I tell you a secret? I love all my classes. I'm not saying they are easy but I don't think I'll struggle as much as I did last year- and that's comforting. :) Now I'm hoping I can use this time to build my relationship with Christ and my Heavenly Father so that when the times hit where I feel SO inadequate, I can turn to them and see my potential and my divine worth. It's amazing to know that they know me and they know that I am trying- so why worry about what anyone else says?!
As I was struggling on Sunday I was messing around on my guitar and I wrote a very short song, and the words seemed to cover the sadness I was feeling. I sang it over and over again. I don't think I'm the one who writes these words, because so often the words I sing are just the comfort I need. It went something like this:
The sting of death is swallowed up,
He is the one to fill up my cup,
He is the one who knows I can measure up,
Despite what anybody else is thinking.
The sting of death is swallowed up,
He is the one to fill up my cup,
He is the one who can lift me up,
Whenever I am sinking.
