All you need is Winter. . .

So I went and saw the ZooLights at the Hogle Zoo this week, and I think I enjoyed the cold weather more than I enjoyed the lights. Don't get me wrong, the lights were stellar, but there's something about a nice bitter breeze that seriously warms my insides. I made the mistake of thinking out loud to the two friends I was with, and they got to hear my explanation for loving the cold.  Now I'm about to make the mistake of posting it on my blog.

Cool.

I decided as I felt the breeze hit me that it made me feel all cozy, so I expressed that I loved the cold because it reminded me of a good relationship.  You know how you envision a really romantic relationship in the winter time? No? Well really I promise I'm not lovesick- but winter for some reason makes me feel like I'm in a good romantic relationship.  :)

People are happy.
People are serving.
People are drinking Apple Cider. :)
Singing Christmas Carols.
                                       It's all good.
                                                          It's cozy.  It's romantic.
--In a I'm loving being single and I'm going on a mission in three months kind of way.

So yeah, that's pretty much it for today.

But since I've already embarrassed myself, I'm gonna post a nice love song as well. . . To give you the feel of winter.

Life's Alright. :)

Thanksgiving break? 

HEAVEN. 

I had no idea how bad I was yearning for a break until it came and my mind was blown.  Completely blown. I'm going to be honest: I didn't even hate writing an essay tonight, because I haven't done any homework since Wednesday.

Also:  My family is stellar.  My friends are stellar.  My life is stellar.

I made this video of some of my favorite memories from this semester... and I watched it a bunch of times just to get happy. MY FRIENDS ARE SO COOL.

Since I'm feeling super grateful for my friends lately I've just gotta get it out- so please bear with me as I express my love for just a few of the people who have been such a positive influence on me this semester. I want to be more like all of them... :)

My ROOMMATES:

JENNIE is one of the kindest people I have ever met.  My roommates and I always joke about her being perfect, but we don't actually think it's a joke.  She is incredibly easy to talk to and is great at making you feel good about yourself when you need a boost. She is the greatest listener and totally validates me when I'm going through something hard, no matter how silly it is.  Sometimes I pray that I can be more like her. 

KELSI is the kind of friend that will stand up for you if anybody treats you bad, and she will not tolerate you not standing up for yourself.  She has an amazing gift to love people and show them that she cares about them, and she is so fun to talk to because she is great at understanding what you are feeling and feeling it with you. 

MISSY is such a great example to me because of the love that she shares with everyone and how positive she is about life.  She works so hard in her classes and still has so much fun and I totally admire the way she lives her life. Her life isn't easy, but from the outside it just looks like she has got it figured out, and I think that's because she knows how to center her life around Christ and stay motivated. :)

MEGAN is one of the most sincere and considerate people I have ever met and living with her is such a blessing to me.  She is the kind of person that always knows when I'm having a bad day, even when I tell her I've had a good day.  And when a day has been bad- she's there to listen no matter what's going on in her own life.  She's positive and fun to be with and she adds a really good kind of fun to our apartment. 

LINDSEY is selfless and kind and always improving herself, which I totally admire.  I swear she is always finding something she can improve at- and improving it.  She'll probably reach perfection soon and then she'll be translated.  Somebody should beg her to stop improving, because I want to keep her around. She is so good to me and I love knowing that if I need a wing-man, she's most likely going to be the one there. 

The BOYS:

MICHAEL is like Jennie because I think he is perfect.  He is handsome, funny, sensitive (in a good way), kind, etc, etc.  He's got it all.  The first thing I liked about Mike was that he treated everybody so kindly, and I continue to be amazed at his capacity to serve and be a gentleman.  To be honest he's kind of a counselor to me, and I am so grateful for the many amazing conversations that I've had with the kid. :) 

SEAN was one of those people that I always wanted to be friends with, but didn't know how it could actually ever happen because he was just on a whole different level than me, but then it happened.  The rockstar decided to be my friend and I've been blessed ever since.  He's an incredible teacher, leader, and friend because he has such an amazing testimony and a great sense of humor.  My two favorite things.

NATHAN is another one of those people that I want to be just like.  I've definitely prayed to be able to obtain qualities that I've seen in him. The more I get to know the guy, the more amazed I am. He is talented beyond comprehension, but he is one of the most humble people I have ever met. No matter who you are he's going to treat you good, and he's going to make you feel like you are awesome. 

REILLY is someone that is so fun to have a good conversation with.  He is easy to talk to and fun to be around.  One of my favorite things is making Reilly laugh because it makes me feel like I've done something amazing.  It's not that he never laughs, he's just got a good laugh. I'm also always amazed at how willing he is to put in so much time to his calling.  He's a solid guy.

BEN is cool. He always makes me happy because I swear every time I see him he asks me how I am doing and how my day has been.  He smiles a lot, which is one of my favorite things, and he enjoys playing games and having fun. Ben could potentially be a secret superhero or something.

CLAYTON used to intimidate me because I thought he was so funny.  Now I just think he's funny and I'm not intimidated because I think he pretty much accepts everybody. He's got a stellar girlfriend, and he's really nice.  And funny.  Aside from being fun he's a really good friend.  I think he compliments all his roommates every time I'm at their apartment, which is a lot. So he's amazing. 

     **GIRLS, if you are looking for a husband, consider the boys mentioned, if they aren't taken.  They are going to make six women VERY, VERY happy. :)**

Now what's even more amazing, is that there are so many more things I could say about each of them, and there are so many more people I could say things about, but this is it for today.  I had to get out some of my gratitude because my heart wanted to explode. So there it is.  Some gratitude for a small portion of the people who have recently affected me for the better. 

Mawwage is what bwings us togevah today...

Sometimes I get in these fits where I'm real excited to get married or something.  Embarrassing?
Totally.

Well it's been one of those weeks.  So this morning I thought,
"Hey girl, you're getting your mission call soon, maybe you should FOCUS."

As I was saying my morning prayers I asked for extra help focusing on my mission and getting in the right mind set and I asked Heavenly Father to help me find something AWESOME in my scripture study. I was sincerely asking for some assistance.

Well I sat at my desk and started where I left off yesterday, in Moses 3.

It's times like these that I remember how funny Heavenly Father is. I read, "And I, the Lord God, said unto mine Only Begotten, that it was not good that man should be alone; wherefore, I will make an help meet for him. . . . Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh."

Cool. :)

It was a good start to the day though, and surprisingly enough, I've been a little more focused.  Heavenly Father might be pretty funny, but He's also real good at helping me when I need it.

So grateful for the scriptures, prayer, and "the third greatest gift, laughter."

Today it has been ten years since I lost my mom in a car accident.  Never could I have imagined the great affect this would have on my life, but it has given me such an incredible desire to work hard and be all that she would want me to be.  I know she has been with me these last ten years, possibly more than she could have been if she was alive, and I am grateful for that.  She is the reason I am who I am today, and I just wanted to send out a thank you, and a tribute to her.

My brother and I recorded this in memory of her and my Grandpa Bob.  I love them both and I'm so grateful for the impact they have had on my life. :)

Piles of Blessings

The problem with this post is that I don't fully know how to express all the things I am grateful for right now. I've been preparing to serve a mission for the last  few weeks and I don't even know how to put my feelings into words.

I'm Excited.
          I'm Scared.
                     I'm incredibly Grateful.
                                                 I'm happy.
                                                        I feel unworthy and unprepared.

THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MY MIND THAT SATAN HAS BEEN WORKING ON ME, especially this last week.  Is it hard? Yes.  Am I weak? No.

Earlier in the week as I was searching for strength I wrote this poem, and it's helped me stay positive as satan has tried to diminish my worth.

Here it is:

Everywhere I turn
           TEMPTATION STRIKES.
Not to sin in great ways,
          Rather degrading my life.
Emphasizing my weaknesses, enlarging my worries;
      Consuming my mind with False, Faith-shaking stories.

I look to my feet and see clumsy, worn soles.
I notice my hands, that can't fulfill their great role.
          But when I look up above,
                      and I know who He is,
I see a piece of my worth in the reason He lived.

And despite what I'm feeling,
       & the directions I'm pulled
I won't let this dark shadow
       Make a change in my Goals.
I am stronger than darkness. I am stronger than pain.
    I WON'T SUBMIT to my weaknesses, or let my mirror Scream Shame.

I'll simply look up above,
         For I know who He is,
And I'll rely on his power
                 To share the Truth: That He Lives. 

As I keep saying, I wish I could properly express how grateful my heart is.  Sometimes I think my life is harder than it is, but I have the gospel and that adds a constant peace and security to any trial or bump in the road.  I'm choosing to serve a mission because I want others to feel of this Joy and find Rest in the Savior.

I guess what this gratitude really comes down to- is the incredible blessing it is to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  :)

School Days. . . School Days. . .

I'm back in SCHOOL!!!!
     And I've gotta be completely honest.  I wasn't exactly excited for this school year to start. :(  I'm not very good at this thing people like to refer to as euh. . . getting good grades. But it's something I've been trying to conquer! :) So I was pretty nervous for the first day of classes, because in my head school was just another reason I should get down on myself for not doing as good as everybody else.

As I said, I've been trying to conquer this (this "Dragon" as Sister Samuelson would say) because I know that feeling inadequate isn't going to help me with anything.  So, I had all summer to build up my self esteem from the last school year and school was about to start.  Naturally, I prayed a lot-  that's what I do when I'm scared out of my wits.

Well school came and I went to classes.  So far I haven't died.

And can I tell you a secret? I love all my classes. I'm not saying they are easy but I don't think I'll struggle as much as I did last year- and that's comforting. :)  Now I'm hoping I can use this time to build my relationship with Christ and my Heavenly Father so that when the times hit where I feel SO inadequate, I can turn to them and see my potential and my divine worth.  It's amazing to know that they know me and they know that I am trying- so why worry about what anyone else says?!

As I was struggling on Sunday I was messing around on my guitar and I wrote a very short song, and the words seemed to cover the sadness I was feeling.  I sang it over and over again. I don't think I'm the one who writes these words, because so often the words I sing are just the comfort I need.  It went something like this:

The sting of death is swallowed up,
He is the one to fill up my cup,
He is the one who knows I can measure up,
Despite what anybody else is thinking.

The sting of death is swallowed up,
He is the one to fill up my cup,
He is the one who can lift me up,
Whenever I am sinking.

Grasping Worth

Will it be worth it?
I say to myself, If I fall, if I flop, if I fail?
Will it be worth it to send out my heart?
If this work is to no avail?

Will it be worth it?
To give all I've got. To push, and to pull, and to shove?
If in the end I don't succeed,
And I lose all that I've learned to love.

Should I hope for the best?
And keep pushing on, through failures, scrapes, and burns?
I believe this is the only way,
To stay up through life's terrible turns.

Yes, I'll keep trying.
And giving my all. Believing in who I can be,
Though Failure may strike I'll shine through it all.
Grasping all that God sees in me.