It's about time...

I figure it's about time I write a new post.  And I have a lot on my mind so it's probably a good idea.

Or you could say- I have a lot on my mind so it's probably a bad idea.  

I guess we'll see . . . 

So remember that mission thing? I get to leave in one week.  One week from today. 7 days.  SEVEN.  

Fourteen more times to brush my teeth.

Seven more breakfasts.

Six more dinners.

One more Sunday with my family.

One more concert with all my friends.

One more weekend.

A good solid 6 1/2 days to spend with the people I love.

I'm feeling everything that I think it is possible to feel. Really, all of it.

Excited. Strengthened. Nervous. Untouchable. Weak. Loved. Alone. Distant. Distracted. Attentive. Faithful. In love. Heartbroken. Beautiful. Successful. Hardworking. Lazy. Wanting to serve. Anxious. Busy. Happy.

Stressed. Crazy. Uncontrolled. Vulnerable. Uplifted. Disheartened. Full of Joy. 

The list goes on and on.

But with all of this I feel so at peace.  I love the scriptures.  I love the gospel.

I love PEOPLE. I love Heavenly Father. and I get to go serve a mission.

Today I was reading in Helaman 5.  In verse 4 it says, "And it came to pass that Nephi had become weary because of their iniquity; and he yielded up the judgement-seat, and took it upon him to preached the word of God all the remainder of his days, and his brother Lehi also, all the remainder of his days."

I felt like I related so much to Nephi and Lehi as I read that because I am quite ready to yield up the life I have now to preach the word of God.  I hope I come home a new person, far better than I am today, and I hope I continue to improve throughout my whole life so that I can preach the word of God all the remainder of my days.  I love the gospel and the scriptures and I feel so blessed to be able to go on a mission.

Heavenly Father is too good to me. I am so thankful to have a Father in Heaven who is willing to do everything possible to make me happy, and a Savior who has felt my heartaches and stresses and he validates me when I am in pain.  I know He is here telling me that He believes in me.  When I am hurting, he can put his arm around me, rub my back a little, and assure me that all will be right.  We can all have this.  

I think it's about time for me to get out there and serve. It's about time for me to give up the life I have now.  It's about time for me to forget myself and remember Him and all He has done for each of us.  

It's about time...

The World is my Valentine...

Some of you may be wondering,

 "What does a girl do the Valentine's Day before she leaves on her mission?" 

Well I was wondering the same thing this year, and I figured out the perfect solution.  During the week of Valentine's Day [I prefer it called Valentine's Week] I decided that every time I was wishing someone would do something for me, I would make some Valentines. If you knew how many Valentines I ended up making you would know that I spend way too much time wishing people would serve me. . .

Joke. 

But really, throughout the week I spread my love like.... Crisco on a cookie sheet. And I had the best Valentine's Day of my life. 

I figured out what some of my friends would have wanted a girlfriend to do for them if they'd had one, and I did it. I got the schedules of my friends and left presents for them to come home to.  I made some homemade chocolate treats to give away.  I made small valentines for some of my close friends. Now I don't say this to brag, for real, but because I was amazed at what an incredible day I had after turning my selfish thoughts outward. 

It had the potential to be a terrible Valentine's Day, but when I was hurting from life's ironic circumstances I SERVED, and was served in return. My friends were incredible to me and I got to spend time with and see people that mean so much to me.

Valentine's Week was good to me, because it wasn't about me.  It didn't matter that I felt things in my life were hard, because the week wasn't about me.  I know that when we focus our thoughts outward, Heavenly Father will send us immense tender mercies and show us that He really does know us personally.  

There are times that I feel so spent and I don't know how I can continue to give my love. Sometimes it feels that each time I let some love escape it comes with a cut to my heart. However, I have learned that there is such power in letting yourself be COMPLETELY VULNERABLE, and put out all the love you can muster up for others to take.  No matter what the reward is in return. 

I have found myself pleading with Heavenly Father at times in my life to please send me someone to love me,  because I feel that I am giving far more than I receive.  WHAT A SELFISH THOUGHT THAT IS. Christ came and suffered all pains, and gave all love for me.  It is things like that, that remind me why I continue to share all the love I know how to share.

I don't know that I've been doing great at preparing for my mission, but I sure am learning how to love, and share that love with everyone.

  

You know what I love. :)

I love music.

I love to play music. I love to listen to music.  I love to sing music. I love to write music. I love to bond through music.


This first video is a cover my brother and I did together. :)

 

And this next one is just one of the songs I've written.  It's nothing special, but the message means a lot to me.  This last semester I have been trying to love in a more Christlike way, and have true Charity for everyone- No matter how long they will be in my life, and no matter how they treat me in return. Life has taught me to love while I have the chance, and I am so grateful for the amazing friendships I have made in the past year, and the many people I have truly come to love.

Sometimes I write songs. . .

Alright, I've written a couple songs this week, and I thought I could share them... But they aren't good enough to record and post yet, so here are the lyrics. :)  [Poem form I guess you could say...]

THE WARMTH OF THE SEASON

As you step into winter with extra layers of clothes
The air shocks your cheeks and you wrinkle your nose.
The bitterness creeps past your skins barricade,
and resurfacing now are past memories made.

This season brings warmth with the temperature low,
For a child was born in a cave long ago.
With the animals there humbly our Lord slept,
Beginning the life that could satisfy debt.

That man, He came to bless and to heal
and experience the pains we would each have to feel.
That man, He came to save and to love,
to bring us the warmth and the light from the Sun.

Though the bitterness creeps past your skins barricade,
heartaches appear and the light begins to fade.

This season brings warmth when your feeling low,
The Healer who came felt this sting long ago.

That man, He came to bless and to heal
and experience the pains we would each have to feel.
That man, He came to save and to love,
to bring us the warmth and the light from the Son.

and...

NO OLDER THAN NINE

When I was a child no older than nine,

I learned not to lock my love deep inside.

And I learned that sometimes our heroes die too young,

But they can still shape us into who we become.

I've learned time and time again

as I've had the chance to live:

Love is to be given while we have the chance to give.

I give my heart, I keep it open to the earth.

and I give more, though I'm not sure what it's worth.

I give my heart, even when it's not returned,

and I give more, as my edges are burned.

Still a clock on the wall puts a lock on my chest,

How can one small thing cause such selfishness.

The ticking whispers that if love is released,

Wounds will come with each of our heartbeats.

But when I was a child no older than nine,

I learned not to lock my love deep inside.

And I learned that sometimes our love dies too young,

But it can still shape us into who we become.

I give my heart, I keep it open to the earth.

and I give more, though I'm not sure what it's worth.

I give my heart, even when it's not returned,

and I give more, as my edges are burned.

I've learned time and time again

as I've had the chance to live:

Love is to be given while we have the chance to give.

61 DAYS! :)

I love preparing for a mission.

I love Preach My Gospel.

I love temples.

I love the Book of Mormon.

I love loving people.

I love serving.

I love that every day closer to my mission brings me more excitement,

and more of a desire to be the best that I can be. 

I love smiling.

I love telling people why I like them.

I love friends.

I love leaders.

I love family.

I love to see the good in others.

I love the gospel. 

I love Heavenly Father.

I love knowing that he knows what is best for me, and he loves me.

   

 "yea, and my joy is carried away, even unto boasting in my God;

 for he has all power, all wisdom, and all understanding; 

he comprehendeth all things, and he is a merciful Being."

ALMA 26:35

The Nice Notes. . .

So I've got this friend.  He writes me a nice note every week at ward prayer- because he's stellar.

Well I moved wards over the break, which was heart breaking, and you know what happened?  My friend wrote me a nice note anyway and had it delivered to my new apartment number.

Now let's take a quick look at the definition of the word Stellar. . .  it is as follows:

stel-lar (adj)
1. Of or relating to a star or stars.
2. Featuring or having the quality of a star performer or performers.
3. McCallin Fisher.

It's true... Look it up.

Anyway, entering new situations isn't easy for me, and it's relieving to have people close by that accept me and like me.  Getting that nice note yesterday was a huge tender mercy. :)

Let's just be honest, I don't deserve all of the amazing friends that I've made this year.  Especially the ones I've made in my ward. I am so grateful for the hand Heavenly Father has in my life and the angels he sends me.

He's been looking out for me. :)

and I think he'll continue to do so. 

...Thank Heavens.

She taught me. . .

Today I looked though the pictures we have of my mom for a couple hours, and edited the ones I really love. It's my mom's birthday today and I've been thinking about her more than I think I have on any of her other birthdays. . . 

I'll admit that I sat outside in the cold for a while today and I cried.  Sometimes I start to feel bad for myself even though I know I shouldn't.  But I sat outside and thought about how amazing my mom is and how much I've missed out.  I imagined what it would be like to have her here while I prepare for my mission.  Now I know that I've been very blessed to have her with me more than she probably could have been if she was alive, and I know that closeness will continue as I prepare and as I serve my mission; however, today I had to let myself miss her and wish she was physically here. 

She's not far, and I'm grateful for the pictures and stories I have to remember her by.  She has made me who I am today.  She is one reason I continue to try my hardest and push on through the tough days.  

.

She taught me to do all I can to serve others.  To pay attention to the things they love and make the things that are important to them important to me. 

She taught me to use my talents to bring joy to others.

She taught me to love.

                                                            

She taught me to smile.

Happy Birthday, Mom.  I love you!